"Desk" of Contention

I have discovered how easy it is to become polarized on an issue with another person - to the detriment of the relationship. Most of my readers know that my brother has been living with me for the past six months, with a month or so break while he was in S.

Last spring, he complained a lot about the desk pictured above: no room for his knees, not enough space, he got rid of it once why should he be stuck with it again. It became one of those things that he mentioned often - especially in front of other people. Personally, I liked the desk. It had character, history, and just looked cool. yes, it was difficult to sit in front of to use - but another type of chair may have fixed that. Yes, it was large and old - but that is what makes it cool.

While he was gone in S., I thought about what would make his life easier in order to more efficiently study. I didn't really want to get rid of the desk, but I decided that it really didn't fit in my house and needed to go. Recently, I had him help me move it out of his room to the living room while I tried to sell it. Our parents have a desk he can use and our grandpa has a table he can use if he needs more space- both just need to get brought over from their house.

Today, the desk has gone. Given away for free on craigslist. It was sad to see it go, but I'm hoping that with it gone things will get better with my brother.

Yet, I'm realizing that I may need to say "This isn't working for me." I don't want to do that because I'm afraid that he will blame me for "kicking" him out of my house. But I am tired of the silent treatment when I make him mad. I'm tired of his study stuff being strewn around my living room and him studying there so I feel like I can't enjoy the space. I'm tired of his bike, climbing and other gear taking up space in the basement. I'm tired of tripping over his tools in the shed. I'm tired of fighting him to clean up the kitchen, and use the deadbolt on the door. I feel like I have tried to be respectful of him & his stuff. Tried to be careful of which things to make a big deal about (dishes & deadbolt are more important than the basement & shed.) Yet, in return I get grief, silent treatment, and personal frustrations.

I'm trying to be a good big sister, and a good Christian and this is something that needs help from someone bigger than me.