One of my friends posted a good question as a comment on one another blog post and I thought I would reply.
"I hear you say it is good for kids to have two parents, but is it your idea or God's that you aren't good enough on your own?"
At first the comment gave me pause and I'm still not sure how to fully answer the question. Overall, it is not a matter of being (or not) good enough on my own to raise children but what is the best case scenario. I believe that God has designed humans to function best in families - parents, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, etc. God places us in families to help us learn to love others even if we having trouble getting along with them. God has designed moms and dad to interact with their children differently. Mothers are generally more nurturing while fathers tend to be the disciplinarians. Moms teach us tenderness and getting along with others while dads teach us how to survive in the woods.
Yes, a single parent will do their best to meet all the different needs of their children. There are a myriad of shining examples of successful children of single parent families. But from the outside, it appears to be a hard and difficult life for the parent and the child. And if I have a choice, not one that I would make for me and my family.
To have a child right now would mean a) pursuing adoption or b) artificial insemination. Option A is a legitimate consideration and something that I am open to as there are so many children who need someone to love and care for them. But is being raised in a 30-something single parent family any better from being raised by a teen single parent family? Option B is not something that I would consider as it seems a bit like playing God and he doesn't need my help.
I'm not sure I answered the question fully but is not a matter of being good enough but what is best for children. And I think that loving and serving parents seeking God first in all areas of their lives is best for children.
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The First Look
Reflections through Transitions
The First Look
Sunflowerakb's Adventures
- A Sunflower Knits
- West RIchland, WA, United States
- This blog started as the musings of a 30-something single woman on life, love, & laughter. I am now married and have a child and plan to do some updating.
3 comments:
I'm glad you answered this more thoroughly; it's a question I wanted to ask but couldn't phrase as eloquently as your friend!
I want to give my answer the question you pose, though I know you meant it to be rhetorical. Yes, it's absolutely better for a child to be raised by a single, stable adult than by a single person who is not yet functioning independently (or, for that matter, by two married people of opposite gender who haven't taken on adult responsibilities).
I think you would be a good parent if you chose to adopt, and would point out that you can model a number of "daddy skills" like stoicism...and home improvement! (Of course, I come from a line of hardheaded women who often married nuturing men, so I'm a little biased.) Your points about the difficulty of being a single-parent family are well taken, especially when you actively choose to enter into the situation.
Thanks for exploring this more!
@Mathnerd314 - thank you for your thoughts & encouragement.
Hi! in case this makes me anonymous again, I'm the original asker.
I'm glad you decided to write about it.
I would totally encourage you to do it, but not if it's not God's will.
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