Advent Reading: Part 3

The final installment of the Advent Reading series for 2013 is about two different books that were recommended by a friend. Instead of choosing between the books, I decided to write a bit on both and an overall summary of my thoughts. So sit back and think of this blog post as a BOGO special!

God in the Alley, by Greg Paul is the story of a faith community in Toronto, Ontario that reaches out and welcomes those in the inner-city who struggle with life and addictions. Yet, that description is inadequate because it shares how regular every-day Christians have become the hands and feet of God in a place where few want to go. The book is a collection of stories woven together cohesively. Stories of tragedy that sometimes becomes redemption and sometimes end in more tragedy. Where we can see how God can transform human life lived in difficult situations and places into something glorious.

The second book, The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne really made me think and I could see why my friend said this book was life changing. He shares his story of transforming from a typical christian kid to a radical looking to change the world for Jesus. It is not his story alone but also of The Simple Way community. He challenges the typical protestant christian response to the poor and vulnerable and encourages the reader to reach out beyond themselves. I ended up reading this in two parts because I checked it out from the library and had to return it before I was finished the first time around! I am still digesting what I learned, but I will share a few highlights/quotes that I found significant along with some comments in italics.

• "Community is what we are create for. We are made in the image of a God who is community, a purality of oneness." (Claiborne, pg 134) 
• He quotes Mother Theresa "Following Jesus is simple but not easy. Love until is hurts, and then love more." (Pg 136)
• "Vocation comes from the same root as voice, denoting the hearing of a divine call. Beyond knowing that God has a purpose for our lives, most of us (especially non-Catholics) spending little energy seeking our vocation, especially in light of how the needs and sufferings of our neighbors how we use our gifts for divine purposes. There are plenty of people who are miserable in their jobs, for they have not listened to God's call. And would add there are many Christians who are not fulfilled in their spiritual lives because they have no sense of their gifts or purpose, and they just run to the mission field to save souls rather than transform lives and communities using their gifts and those of the people they live among. Both lead to emptiness and burnout." (pg 138)
• This particular quote struck hard. As a Catholic, I see vocation as marriage vs. religious life but had not considered career. Yet, as I struggle with the question of "What do I want to be when I grow up?"  I realize that I still have work to do in this area. Last year at a retreat, I asked God if he was calling me to religious life and the answer was "No". Yet, am I called to marriage and family? It is something I have desired since a young child, but as a thirty-something singleton I need to accept that perhaps he has a different calling. And I need to intentionally seek guidance add Godly advice.
• "Conversion is not an event but a process, a process of slowing tearing ourselves from the clutches of the culture." (pg 150)
• "a college professor who said, "All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip or dance, just don't tiptoe." (pg 225)
• "Christianity can be build around isolating ourselves from evildoers and sinners, creating a community of religious piety and moral purity. That's the Christianity I grew up with. Christianity can also be built around joining with the broken sinners and evildoers of our world crying out to god, groaning for grace. That's the Christianity I have fallen in love with." (pg 246)
• I too grew up in the former Christianity in the Protestant, but I have found the second in the Roman Catholic church. Going to confession and seeing fellow parishioners seeking God's grace and absolution from our sins. Seeing the poor and vulnerable at mass worshiping alongside those with plenty. Opportunities to help those in need. God's grace. 
• "when we have new eyes, we can look into the eyes of those we don't even like and see the One we love. We can see God's image in everyone we encounter." (pg 266)
• "One of the underlying assumptions is that money from the offering or tithe belongs to the church. But the Scriptures consistently teach that the offering is God's instrument of redistribution and that it belongs to the poor. ... historically, church offerings were part of God's economy of redistribution, and over 90 percent was given to the poor. We live in an age when we have nearly reversed what God set in place. An average of 85percent of the church offering is used internally, primarily for staff and buildings and stuff to meet our own needs. And this borders on embezzlement." (pg 330-331)
• "We are to be fire, to weave our lives together so that the Spirit's inferno of love spreads across the earth." (pg 352)
• "If you have the gift of frustration and the deep sense that the world is a mess, thank God for that; not everyone has that gift of vision. It also means that you have a responsibility to lead us in new ways. Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step toward changing the world." (pg 354)
• I'm not sure I want the gift of frustration but I still ask myself, how can I change the world into a better place? 

One thing that I found interesting about both books is that while they are written from an Evangelical Protestant perspective, they have Catholic roots. Both authors quote Roman Catholics authors for the rational of their work: Henri Nouwen, Dorothy Day, Mother Theresa, Edith Stein and Ignatius just to name a few. Essentially they are promoting Catholic Social Teaching to Evangelicals Protestants. Not that all Catholics are completely on board with their social teachings - which Claiborne points out quite clearly. I found The Irresistible Revolution uncomfortable to read because like my friend said, it is one of those life changer books. The question now is: How will I respond to what I read and learned from these books?

That's an excellent question, thank you for asking!

First, I am seeking to create community for myself through a mix of church and social involvement. Cathedral choir, young adult group and the prayer chain at my parish. Attending Catholic Active Single events - dinners and a bible study. Opening my hands and arms to new friends. Volunteering. Second, I'm challenging myself to take more risks in 2014.  The second book along with a friend's example have helped me see the need to take more risks in my life. Thirdly, I'm going to seek out assistance figuring out my vocation and God's plan for my life. Lastly, I plan to offer some sort of tangible help to those in need: it might just be giving a package of hand-warmers or a bottle of water to a panhandler or picking up a tag from the manger project to purchase an item for someone in need or offering a friend a place to stay for a few days.

 "We can do not great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do but how much love you put into doing it."Mother Theresa

Advent Reading

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

The Risks of 2014

On Thanksgiving evening after the turkey and pie were long gone and the dishwasher was whirring, I went for a walk with my Aunt and her rather large dog. During our walk we talked about all sorts of things - life, love, and dreams. At one point  I said that 2013 was the year of changes and that I wanted 2014 to be the year of the risk. In retrospect, that statement seems so audacious!

2013 brought a lot of changes - a new faith tradition, a love and then heartache, a new haircut (which I love!). I experienced surgery while saying good riddance to my gallbladder. I found and then lost a few pounds. I underestimated my own strength and overestimated my insta-healing abilities. Overall, 2013 was not the year that I imagined experiencing a year ago. In some ways it has been even more magical. Yet, in others, more melodramatic.

My natural tendency is towards risk avoidance. It is not so much about the risk but the fear of failing at the risk. Over the years, I have learned that I am not afraid of calculated risks - those things that I'm pretty sure will not result in disaster. For example: going to college 3,000 miles away from home, solo travel to Paris during a study abroad semester. and becoming a Roman Catholic.  Yet, when my feet quake with fear, I am more likely to tuck my tail and run for cover instead of facing the fear.

So in 2014, I am going to face my fears and take some risks. At least 14 risks. Big or small it does not matter. And some of those small risks are actually bigger deals! At the end of each month, I am going to blog about the risks I took that month and what I learned in the process. I invite each of my readers to join in the journey of taking risks in 2014!  If you decide to join, please comment below and let me know that you're in for the challenge.

Happy New Year!

Journey of Christmas

Welcome to the December and final of the Journey through 2013 blog-along. The purpose for this series is to explore an area of life in a purposeful manner. I'm so thankful that Mathnerd is willing to join. Thank you!

Over the past year, I've been exploring different aspects of my journey to the Catholic church and what it all means, or at least some of it. For me the past year has been transformational as I entered into a new community - the Roman Catholic Church. Other other posts in the series are linked at the bottom of this post, feel free to check them out.

Christmas in the Roman Catholic church is not a one-day wonder but the period of time following Christmas day through The Feast of the Baptism of the Lord. (Although, some folks say it only lasts until Epiphany.) Christmas is the culmination of all the advent waiting and preparation; the celebration that the Christ child has come down to earth. Yet, that is not all that Christmas tide has to offer.

• The 26th is the Feast of Saint Stephen, the First Martyr. 
• The 27th the Feast of Saint John the Evangelist
• The 28th is the Feast of the Holy Innocents, those young children murdered by King Herod searching for the Christ child. 
• The 29th is the Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph

The wonder of the incarnation is quickly followed by the reminder of the ultimate sacrifice in defense of what one believes. It raises the question: am I willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my beliefs? It is a question that most of us living comfortable lives in the U.S. seldom ask ourselves. There are many throughout the world who do not have that luxury, yet their stories do not often get shared in the media. It is uncomfortable to hear stories of persecutions and death by the martyrs. Yet, it is a powerful encouragement and bolster to my faith to read their stories.


So at this Season of Joy, I need to look beyond the simple story of a child born in a manger to his role as the ultimate game changer who came as the savior and redeemer of the world. And ask myself: am I willing to die a martyr's death for my faith?

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Journey into Catholicism

Jan - Epiphany
Feb - Love
March - Lent
April - Easter
May -Pentecost
June - Birthday Bliss
July - Saint Day
August - Ordinary Time
September  - Waiting in Anticipation
October - A Year's Reflection
November - Advent Preparation
December - Christmas

Advent Reading: Part 2

If you're wondering about the title, why yes, I do know that Advent is finished and the Christmas season has started. But I had a three part series in-mind for my advent readings and only got one of the posted. Here is part 2!

The past couple of months have been difficult in the relationship department, I've alluded to that in a previous post. A romantic relationship breakup always has some sort of grief involved. Perhaps its the "good grief, I can't believe I dated that dude?" or the "I'm sad but things will look better soon" grief. This last break-up was the gut-wrenching "feels like my heart was cut out" grief. For he is a special man.

To help me attempt to understand my own emotions, I decided to read C.S. Lewis's A Grief Observed. Now, C. S. Lewis was processing the death of his beloved wife, with whom he only had the privilege to spend a few years. And my situation is different. Reading his musings helped me better understand and accept my own thoughts and feelings. It was very affirming to where I found myself. It is a very short book - less than 100 pages - but filled with deep thoughts that deserved some pondering. There were a few sentences, paragraphs that stood out to me, and I would like share them along with some thoughts.

"And grief still feels like fear...Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen." (pg 33) 
 The idea of grief being fear, is freeing. Both can be overwhelming emotions that freeze you in place, unable to move. But thinking of them together gives them a framework for emotional processing, which requires time and waiting. Very apt description.

"We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,'... If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrow came." (pgs36-37)

Sufferings are a part of the Christian life. It is okay to ask why. It is okay to be sad. It is even okay to ask them to be taken away. Yet, I consider this: would I want to carry someone else's burden? I enjoy a full night's sleep in my comfortable bed in my warm house. No spouse means no one snoring in my ear keeping me awake at night. No children means waking up to a clean house I went to sleep in the night before. A job means a house with heat and running water. I have so much to be incredibly grateful and thankful for. My small dose of sufferings are minute to those that others experience.


"You can't see anything properly while your eyes are blurred with tears. You can't, in most things, get what you want if you want it too desperately: anyway, you can't get the best out of it." (pg 45)

I have shed many tears in the last couple of months. And as time goes go, I have started to see more clearly that perhaps we both wanted things to work so desperately that we were unable to see things differently or find a compromise that didn't compromise the important things.


"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't. ... He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down." (pg 52) 

Sometimes the sorrows we face help us to understand the depths of ourselves we did not know existed. Or to understand the level of emotions involved in a situation. God wants the best for each of us and sometimes that requires that our pride and fear get knocked around a bit so we will come to him for what we need.

"When I lay these questions before God I get no answer. but a rather special sort of 'No answer.' It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but waiving the question. Like, 'Peace, child; you don't understand.' 

Can a mortal ask questions which God finds unanswerable? Quite easily, I should think. All nonsense questions are unanswerable." (pg 69)
This quote was the most comforting because it freed me from trying to understand the whys of my situation and lean closer to God as I try to fathom why He considers my questions nonsensical.

If you find yourself grieving, check out the book and send me a note. 

It would be a privilege to pray for you during your sorrow.

Advent Reading

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Advent: The Waiting

Last year I started a blog series on waiting that quickly fell by the wayside. There were several reasons for this: over ambition, laziness, and fear at what I would find upon further introspection. However, the idea of "wait" keeps coming to me in so many different ways: scripture, whispered voices, a computer rebooting, and long lines at a store. The message remains the same: Wait. Often, it seems like wait is a "four-lettered" word that should not be uttered in polite company.

Yet, as I examined it further, I discovered wait is not always a passive sitting around. Wait means to be available or in readiness, to look forward to eagerly, to await - look for in expectation. Then it dawned on me, Advent is not just a time of preparation but also a time of waiting for the Christ Child to come.

"I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living.
Wait for the Lord, be stouthearted and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14

It is interesting to see how we can read scripture several times and continue to see "new" verses and insights. Recently, I "discovered" the two verses from Psalm 27 and have found them very encouraging.The idea that the belief in the goodness of the Lord before it comes can be very challenging. Often we as humans want to see God's goodness before we believe but that is not what scripture says. Rather the belief needs to come first. And even then there is no guarantee that our definition of goodness is the same as the Lord's. Instead, He asks us to wait and be stouthearted.

What is stouthearted anyway? My old-school dictionary defined it as brave and resolute; dauntless.

Combining wait and stouthearted together gives a different picture of waiting: brave expectation. It is the idea that sometimes, or perhaps often, God asks us to wait for the good things He has planned. We do not know what they are and must trust that God's plan is best (i.e. brave). Yet, we know that God is extravagant in his gifts and that they will be His best for us (i.e. expectation).

I want to see the Lord's goodness.
I wait to see the Lord's goodness, and I believe.

How are you waiting in brave expectation today?

Advent Reading: Part 1

During the Advent season, I've been trying to read some books to encourage and grow my faith. Earlier this fall, one of my friends recommended My Sisters the Saints by Colleen Carroll Campbell. It is a spiritual memoir that resonated with me at this point in my life. Her story is not exactly like mine but similar in the desire to have family and children. Part of her struggle involved infertility and the desire for children, while my struggle is with singleness and the desire for a husband and family. Yet, similar in the seeking after God and the desire to grow closer to Him.

Throughout her story she wove the names of several female saints whose names I had heard tossed about but was not familiar with all of their stories: Teresa of Avila, Therese of Lisieux, Faustina of Poland, Edith Stein of Germany, Mother Theresa of Calcutta, and Mary of Nazareth.  These women's stories and their power in Campell's journey is captivating and has me excited to start reading their writings on my own. I appreciated reading about her journey into a deeper faith of God within the Catholic church. After finishing the book, I read it again because her story contained so much wisdom that touched me deep within my heart. I am thankful for books such as this one because it encourages me to draw closer to God even though the journey of life is full of heartache and joy, pain and happiness, and sorrow and singing.

There are several quotes that I want to remember and contemplate so I'm going to share them here.

"Sometimes we have to wait for people... But while we wait, we get better." (Campbell, 133)

This quote was said by her father towards the end of his life. And I found it to be so encouraging and contains great truth that I have seen in my own life. At this point in my life, I am waiting for a husband and it is hard. Yet, I am a better person for the waiting and I believe the same for the unknown man I will marry. As I look back over the last 15 years of my adult years, I can see how God has used my singleness to draw me closer to Him.  

"No one knows the ways of God, not fully. He is a merciful and loving father who works all things to the good for those who love him, yes. but he does not answer to me, or to any of us, for the mysterious ways he does his redeeming work. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts," scripture says, "and my ways are not your ways" (Isa. 55:8). In the face of such mystery, the only appropriate response is humble gratitude. It is the gratitude of a child who recognizers her utter dependence on God for every blessing and trusts that he will turn even her sorrows to joys - in a way and at a time of his choosing, not hers. (Campbell, 167)

Such a difficult request. Humility and thankfulness wrapped together. The idea of being thankful for the things God has given is familiar to most Christians. Yet, humbly accepting that God knows what is best for me is often very difficult because it directly conflicts with my desires. Often I think I know what is best for me to only discover that God thinks differently.  Generally the result is some kind of emotional, spiritual, or physical pain. Being single and living alone gives the impression of independence and the thought of being dependent upon someone else is humbling. The last line of this quote gives me great hope that God will take the broken pieces of my life - the things that cause so many anguished tears - and turn them into something more beautiful and stronger than before.

"How liberating it must be to stop evading, questioning, or complaining about your trials and start embracing them as opportunities to draw closer to God, to realize that even if Jesus is all you have, he is enough." Campbell, 168)

Perhaps, someday, I'll get to this point. I need a daily reminder that Jesus is enough because sometimes I think I need more.


"In a world always tempted to prize women more for their fecundity and sexual allure than for their souls - a temptation typified by the ancient "goddess" cults in which prostitution , forced abortions, and female infanticide were commonplace - Mary's perpetual virginity challenges the status quo. Her complete consecration to God confirms the value and importance of women for their one sales, even apart from their ability to provide sexual pleasure or large numbers of heirs to men. As Edith Stein puts it, the ideal of Christian virginity embodied in Mary presents a "basic change in the status women" affection all women, whether single, consecrated, or married. Marriage and motherhood are no longer the only ways a woman can serve God, Edith says, and even for those who choose marriage and motherhood, Mary's total gift of self to God amid motherhood reminds them that their first priority is fidelity to God. " (Campbell, 190)

I learned a new word in this section as I had to look up fecundity in the dictionary and discovered it basically means having offspring. This particular quote is very encouraging because it reminds me that my value is not based upon my ability to produce offspring or the beauty of my figure. I am valued for myself.

Advent Reading

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Advent Lessons: Trusting through the Tears

It is amazing to me to see how God works in mysterious ways. The Advent and Christmas Wisdom from St. Thomas Aquinas book by Andrew Carl Wisdom, OP with advent readings was not my first choice but it has proven to be the one that I am supposed to read. Day 1 describes Advent as "a time of patient waiting for the lord to be reborn once again in our hearts." (Wisdom, 3)

So far the theme this week seems to be waiting and trusting. Both difficult places to rest. And both relate to patience. Ahem, not one of my favorite things! It is interesting that to others I can come across as patient, I am not naturally a patient person. Anyone who has ridden in a car with me driving can attest to that! *cough* lead-foot *cough.  During college I went to Poland as part of a IVCF Global Project. I came back excited with how God had taught me to trust him even more. And naively I assumed the lesson was learned and I would move on to the next thing.

Evidently I need to learn more about trust.  The prayer for Day 3 made that clear. "Loving God, I don't like to wait. So I don't wait to see the unfolding of your kingdom or to rejoice in the Savior you have given me, because I would have to relinquish control. ... You see, Lord, if I am really honest, while I believe in you, I don't always trust that you will be there to pick up the pieces." (Wisdom, 7)Wow! Sobs whelmed up within, quite unexpected. And I realized, that I was broken and I did not trust that God was there to pick up the pieces, bringing healing.

broken pieces of a sunflower candle warmer

A few weeks ago, my heart was shattered and I'm still struggling to gather up the shards. A couple of weeks later, when I accidentally broke my favorite candle warmer, it seemed like an extension of my life.  A numbness followed by tears or vice-versa. More tears than seem humanly possible and quite often at the most inopportune times. One Sunday, tears flowed down my face throughout mass. From the first note of the opening hymn to the postlude. While I tried to hide my tears from nearby parishioners, I know that God was there with me in the presence of Jesus Christ in the Eucharist. And He saw my tears, each and every one, even the ones I tried to hide.

Psalm 56: 9*
"My wanderings you have noted, are my tears not stored in your vial, recorded in your book?"

And comfort comes through sacred scripture and prayer.  I am in awe that God records my tears and stores them in His vial. And hope that one day the vial will be full and healing found. Through this recent experience I've tried to lean into God and in doing so discovered the tenderness of The Blessed Mother and the gentleness of the Father.  Today, Day 5, the prayer brought greater comfort: "Gentle Father, I am under your care at all times and in all places and circumstances. There is not a moment of the day that I am not under your protection and loving gaze." (Wisdom, 12)

And so I wait and trust in God's perfect plan for my life.

*in some translations, this is verse 8.